


What if... uhm, nevermind... sorta?

by Go_get_Jakes_gun



Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Crossover, Incest, Intersex Jotunn (Marvel), Intersex Loki (Marvel), Jotun Thor is a dick, Jotunn!Loki, Jotunn!Thor, Laufey's A+++++ parenting, M/M, Pre-Thor movies, Rape, Two of most/each character basically, War, What If? Marvel Comics, What if Thor was raised by Frost Giants?, just a heads up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:15:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_get_Jakes_gun/pseuds/Go_get_Jakes_gun
Summary: When some weird coincidence switches Jotunn!Adopted!Thor with MCU Thor, Earth 199999 suffers the consequences.





	1. Chapter 1

Loki yawned, stretching happily. The previous night had been _good_! Thor had come into his chambers. He laughed to himself. Yep. Thor cumming in his chambers, that sounded about right.

He rolled over to face the brute, then yelped and promptly fell of the bed. He had no clue who that was, but it was _not_ Thor.

As he scrambled up and got a look at the pale, blue skin, he realized that he knew _exactly_ what it was! His nurse had told him tales of Jotuns, and then there had, of course, been that one adventure where him and Thor had recovered Surtur’s sword from the Frost Giants…

“Who are you and what have you done with Thor?” Loki demanded, using his Seidr to clothe himself, arms ready to weave whatever complicated spellwork was necessary to take this beast down.

The Jotun blinked, dazed and confused. “What do you mean? _I_ am Thor. Who are _you_?” Not-Thor looked around, even more confused. “Where am I?”

“_I_ am Loki, prince of Asgard, and you are _not_ my brother, you foul beast! What have you done with him!?” Loki growled.

“You’re not Loki! Loki is my brother, and he is a prince of _Jotunheim_! Asgard was destroyed _centuries_ ago, all living Aesir are prisoners!”

“Then what of you!?” Loki spat.

“I was adopted by the King Laufey.”

Loki’s blood ran cold. “Well that’s impossible, the Frost Giants _lost_ the war, the Aesir won.”

“No they didn’t.”

“Yes they did.”

“No they didn’t.”

“_Yes_, they did.” Unless… “Unless you’re from a different timeline or something.”

Not-Thor paused. “So what then? In this timeline Odin wins and adopts you?”

“No, I’m not adopted. I suppose in this timeline he was fueled by his need to get home? Mother would’ve just given birth to me,” Loki shrugged.

“But I was eight when I was taken.”

“Well, I suppose that he wins this time because they started the war earlier, then. Whatever the case though, it doesn’t explain why you’re Jotun. Our Thor isn’t a shapeshifter.”

“Neither am I. Magic is girls’ craft.” Yup. Sounded like Thor. Frowning, Loki realized that when he looked at him closer, he didn’t _actually_ look Jotun. He was missing the heritage lines, and his skin was incredibly pale with a bluish hue, but not quite blue itself.

“We must go and see father about this. I’m sure he’ll know what to do.”

As Not-Thor got up, he frowned. “What am I doing in your bed, naked, anyways? I mean, I assume that this is your bed, because I still have a slight recollection as to what my room looked like.”

“I assume that you and your Loki are not… intimate?” Loki blinked.

“No, why would we be? We are brothers.”

Ah, of course. So in the one universe where they have a chance to do what him and Thor do _without_ it being classified as incest, they don’t do it. Interesting.

“You bed your brother?”

“Well, I suppose that’s one way of putting it,” Loki shrugged. “I only fear for your poor Loki. One of Thor and mine’s favorite games is ‘Thor, stop.’”

“That’s barbaric.”

“Says the Jotun.”

“In my realm we are _both_ Jotun.”

“Speaking of which, it is probably best to inform my father of it~ before he finds out himself, that is. He’ll know what to do. If what you say is true, and I suspect that it is, my Thor could be in serious danger back in your world.”

.

Not-Loki, or as he called himself, _Loki*_, was peacefully slumbering in his bed after yet another long trip to Asgard’s prisons to visit Queen Frigga, the only mother figure that he’d ever had. Yes, she technically wasn’t a queen anymore, but she would always be one to him.

When he rose, it was to the sight of a large, naked form in bed next to him… wait… he recognized that shape.

“Thor!?” he screamed, lurching back and falling off of the bed.

“Hmn- Loki?” Thor gasped, waking up. “Brother… why are you dressed as a Jotun?”

“Because I am one.”

“No you’re not… unless…” Thor lifted his hand and to it flew a hammer… which was odd, because it was not Thor’s usual hammer. “Jotun scum! What have you done with my brother! Where am I!?”

“Thor, I am your brother, and why does your skin look so healthy? I thought that you were blueing it.”

“Bah! Why would I blue it!? Why on earth would I _choose_ to look like Jotun scum?”

“That’s what _I _said, but you’re obsessed with pleasing father,” Loki* rolled his eyes.

“Why on earth would our father want me to look Jotun?” Thor looked puzzled.

“Ummm… because he wants you to rule the Jotnar,” Loki* frowned, as though this ought to be obvious.

“_Why_? They already have a King, Laufey,” Thor frowned.

“Yes. As I said. _Father_,” Loki* said it slowly, as though he were speaking to a toddler. “And one day, when our father dies, you are to take over as King, oh God of Winter,” he rolled his eyes.

“But I’m prince of the Aesir.”

“You _were_ prince of the Aesir, and then father defeated Odin, remember? And then he took you from Asgard and brought you here to raise.”

“No. No. This is preposterous. There is no way that that-that _monster_ is my father!”

“That’s what I always say,” Loki* quipped, but Thor ignored him.

“There- did I- di- is this a dream?”

Loki* pinched his skin. “Nope, sorry… say, why are you naked?”

“We were in congress last night,” Thor explained, as though it ought to be obvious. “Why are you clad?”

“I didn’t have sex last night…” Loki* frowned. “You say Laufey is not your father, whom were you raised by?”

“King Odin and Queen Frigga,” Loki*’s eyes widened, “of Asgard, alongside my little brother, _you_… except that I am beginning to think that he is not you, or at least… is this a different dimension?”

“Yup,” Loki* popped the p, looking at Not-Thor* with a contemplative look. “Now, usually I’m against telling Laufey anything, but this he needs to know, else he’ll kill someone searching for his ‘missing heir’.”

“What if he kills me?”

“He won’t. Trust me, you’re his only ticket to getting his favored son back.”

“I don’t understand. Why would Laufey kill all of Asgard and then adopt us?”

Loki* frowned. “He didn’t adopt us. He adopted _you_. I’m his runtling son that he had with the woman he then murdered,” Loki* said bitterly. Loki* paused a moment. “You have sex with your brother?”

“Your father murdered your mother.”

“Royalty can’t be perfect,” Loki* shrugged. “Whatever the case, we must get you back to your dimension, and our Thor to mine.”

“Hey… how come you’re Laufey’s son in this dimension?”

“I don’t know. How're we related in your dimension? The universe is a mystery. Still odd to think that when it’s incest we do it, but when it’s not we don’t.”

Thor blushed. “I suppose. Anyways, you mentioned meeting your father?”

“Hmmm, yes,” Loki* snapped his fingers and Thor was dressed. “Yes, we ought to. Come along this way, then. I suppose that you’ve never been in this castle before?”

“No. Never.” Thor followed Not-Loki down the corridor. They walked for about twenty minutes. “Why are your chambers so far away from the main area of the castle?”

“Father doesn’t like to be reminded of my existence,” on the one hand that sounded bad, but Thor reminded himself that his-Loki would probably say the same thing about their father, which Thor knew was a lie. Odin loved Loki, he just wasn’t necessarily always impressed with all of the trouble that Loki caused.

“That sounds rough,” he said anyways.

“It’s OK,” I had you, but then you left me. Now I have someone else though, someone whom I love very much but must never tell you about because I fear the repercussions, both to myself and to her. “It’s not all that bad. Besides, he's an awful person, I’d hate to spend much time with him.”

“That’s good,” Thor said absentmindedly. Not-his-Loki had mentioned that this version of Thor spent a lot of time around Laufey. What if he had turned out bad? What if when he woke up besides Thor’s Loki he… Thor didn’t want to think about it. His brother would be fine. Loki was smart, cunning and agile, he was a force to be reckoned with, though Thor would never admit it to his egotistic brother aloud.

Loki* knocked at the door. “Enter!” a loud voice boomed. Loki* pushed the doors open manually, his father hated it when he used his seidr to do it.

“Son, Loki,” Laufey greeted. Ouch. Yeah. Thor totally saw what Not-Loki meant. Laufey was a _dick_.

“Father,” Loki* bowed, gesturing the Às to follow suit. “Something has happened. A glitch in the universe or something… another timeline’s Thor has switched places with our own.”

“I’m in no mood for your tricks, boy.”

“This is no trick. Thor-other, tell him what you told me,” he looked at Thor expectantly.

Thor took a deep breath. “I woke up this morning and I was in the wrong room in the wrong castle. Please. I just want to go back to Asgard to my family, and I am sure that you would like your foster son back.”

“Whatever illusion this is, Loki, I’m warning you. Stop wasting my time or you’ll make me angry and I _will_ punish you.”

“Fine then,” Loki shrugged. “But for the record, this is me telling you what happened. Come, Thor-other, I know where else we can get help.”

.

Loki walked into the throne room. Not-Thor frowned at that for some reason.

“Father, there’s something wrong,” he gestured at Not-Thor. “This is Thor, but he’s not our Thor, I found him dazed and confused wandering the castle halls this morning,” he lied smoothly.

Odin frowned, humming thoughtfully. “Do you know which universe he comes from?”

“One where you lose and Laufey wins,” Loki said, disgusted. “Apparently Laufey adopts Thor when he’s about eightish- and I’m Laufey’s _son_, blergh,” he shuddered. Thor* clenched his fists. How dare they talk about a great and respected king like he was some sort of~

“Well, it is a good thing we’re not from that universe then,” Thor* noticed something in the way that Odin had tensed. The old fool was hiding something. “Don’t worry, Loki, we will recover your brother shortly. Until then, we shall arrange a room for this new Thor.”

As they left, this-Loki turned to Thor*. “Why are you so stiff?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really know Odin all that much growing up,” Thor* lied. Well, technically that was true, but it wasn’t why he was stiff.

Thor* had had an idea…

.

“Where are we going?” Thor asked Loki*.

“I’m taking you to Asgard, now be quiet, we don’t want anyone to know where we’re going.”

“_Why_?”

“Because it could be seen as treason.”

“No, I mean _why_ are you taking me there? I thought that you said that it was destroyed.”

“It was,” Loki* crawled through a crevice. “Now shut up and follow me.”

There was no point in arguing with lunacy, and seeing as how this version of his brother was his only way back home, Thor complied.

He breathed in horror. Asgard was a wreck.

“I’m sorry. I can only imagine how traumatic this must be, but we must keep moving,” Loki* prodded.

They descended into what Thor knew were the dungeons of Asgard. Thor frowned, curious. Was there another portal down here that he’d never found?

He led Thor to one of the cells where… oh no… oh nononononono. “Mother?” he breathed.

“Who-_Thor_?” the ex-Queen of Asgard blinked as though she could not believe her eyes. “You… you are you… but you are not you…”

“I’m sorry,” Loki* sighed. “I know that I should have told you of his existence long back, but~” he began, but Frigga cut him off.

“I knew my boy was alive,” she smiled sadly at Loki*.

“Wha~ _how_!?”

“Boy, I was raised by witches, who did you think that you were trying to fool?” she smirked. “But it doesn’t change my love for you one bit… I wish only that we were from the Asgard this other Thor comes from… I'm assuming that my husband wins, and that we adopt Loki instead?” she turned to Thor, hopeful.

“Nay. We do win, but Loki is my _brother_,” he was getting tired of having to repeat that. “He is you and father’s son, born just a few years after me.” Loki* blinked in awe, as though it had just occurred to him that in Thor’s world he was raised by loving parents.

Frigga smiled. “All the better then! Odin and I had wanted to have another son!” though, admittedly, she had thought that they would name the child Baldur. Oh well, whatever the case, there was an alternate universe where she was this child’s mother, and she couldn’t be happier. “We are close, I take it?”

“Very. He acts just like you,” Thor praised. “He even practices your girls’ craft and fights with knives just like you.” Both Frigga and Loki* gave him unimpressed looks. “Mother… what are you doing in here?”

“Laufey imprisoned me.”

“Then I can not return home without his head on a pike,” Thor announced.

“No, Thor-other, you must leave things as they are. You might damage space or something, we don’t know what would happen if _you_ were to change anything here,” Loki* insisted.

“Loki is right,” Frigga nodded.

Thor growled. “Then why don’t you two come with me? You’d both have better lives on my Asgard. Mother, you’re in a cell. Brother, you may as well be in one with how Laufey treats you. Join me, we ca~”

((Earlier))

“Where is my son?” Laufey growled at his nearest attendant. Thor had skipped training today, that was very unlike him.

“Well, he _is_ usually off on his ow~”

“I mean my _worthy_ son, my **_heir_**, not the embarrassment.”

“Oh… um, I haven’t seen him today, sire. Nobody has. Someone went to check on him in his chambers, but he wasn’t in there either.”

“Well find him or I’ll, I’ll…” he trailed off as his conversation with Loki popped back into his mind. Laufey growled. “Amass an army and have them join me in Asgard.”

“Wha~”

“Do as you’re told,” Laufey was no fool. He knew exactly where Loki* disappeared to, and where he’d be taking his counterfeit-Thor.

((present))

Laufey stormed into the room. “Where is my heir?” he growled

“In my home with my family,” Thor growled back, “and I don’t want him there anymore than you want me here. So if you would be so kind as to _back off_, I’m sure that my mother and Loki can send me back home and retrieve your ‘heir’,” he hissed the last part.

“I ought to strike you where you stand!” Laufey threatened.

“You would risk killing our Thor by extension,” Loki* chimed in. “Please, let me and the Queen Frigga send him home and retrieve our universe’s Thor.”

“And how are you to do that?”

“We don’t know yet, but we’ll think of something,” Loki* promised.

Laufey did not leave. It made things rather awkward between him and Thor, as Frigga* and Loki* shot ideas back and forth.

“We could open up a portal,” Loki* suggested.

“We don’t know which dimension he’s from… we could consult a Celestial~”

“They find us, we can’t find them,” Loki* reminded. “Summoning spell?”

“I don’t know any strong enough to work inter-dimensionally. Tracking spell?”

“Hmmm… we could try one, I suppose… I think I could hop in back to Jotunheim to grab something of his… but I don’t see how that will be effective without a means to get there… should we perhaps try to establish a connection with the other side and wait to see if they will reach out to us?”

Frigga beamed, proud, “Excellent idea.”

Thor smiled a bit. He loved his brother to the ends of the Nine, even when it was an alternate version of his brother he was just grateful that Loki* could have some happiness and comfort in life. Thor figured Laufey was a non-provider in that department.

“Aah! Loki, I almost forgot! Thor’s old nursery still stands, I believe. You could get this Thor to take you, I’m sure he knows where it is. There must be something of Thor’s that we can use to track him.”

Loki nodded. “Thank you mo- Frigga. Come on, Thor-other, let’s go.”

As soon as they left, Frigga turned her gaze to Laufey. They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. The fosters of each others’ children, they knew _exactly_ what the other was thinking… or at least they thought they did. They were both too proud to confirm said assumption.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki and Not-Thor waited patiently whilst Frigga established a connection with the other side.

“Mother, do you need a hand?” Loki had asked politely.

“No Sweetest, not yet, though I might need help later on, depending on how far away it is,” Frigga said, concentrating hard.

Not-Thor and Loki didn’t really talk much. They had nothing to talk about. Seriously. Loki had thought that his not-brother would be interested in an alive and healthy Asgard, but nope… he had asked a bit about it though, to his credit.

Loki had told him all about the treasures of Asgard, where Yggdrasil was, how happy the people were. It seemed to delight not-Thor. Maybe he was shy about his heritage because he was shy to know what he had lost? What he would have had had he not grown up with the filthy Jotnar… what he _should_ have had…

.

When Loki* and Thor returned, the atmosphere between Frigga* and Laufey* was icy…er…

Frigga*, having been weakened from her years in captivity, was in need of Loki*’s assistance to connect the signal. Thor watched in awe as his not-mother and not-brother worked together. It seemed as though even when they weren’t related, they were a match made by the Norns.

“Hello,” his mother’s face popped up on the screen-thing they’d conjured. Bright and healthy as it should be, “Hello. Dear? Thor?”

“I’m here, mother,” he waved his hand. “Is the other Thor there?”

“Yes,” Frigga brought her transmitter down and sat in between Thor* and… Thor gasped, his heart aching. _Loki_. Full-set-of-hair, Aesir-looking Loki. “We’ll need to

use a portal to bring you back, but we need this connection as a guide… Loki, Sweetheart, you can help now. Do you think you’ll be able to conjure an inter-dimensional portal?”

Loki looked hesitant before nodding his head. “I’ll try my best. I trust that you will guide?”

“Always. And what about on your end, son? Is there anyone who can assist you? Inter-dimensional portals are generally a two-person job.”

Frigga* and Loki* looked at one another, also hesitant, before Loki* turned back to the image. “I can try.” Frigga* took hold of the communications channel fully through her own magic, Thor could tell that it was putting a strain on his not-Mother.

“Excellent. Now, I’ll guide you both through it. Place a hand on the communication… good, that’s good. Now, concentrate. Look for the trace of the connection, search where it webs out into each other’s universe… are you there?”

“Yes,” both Lokis replied.

“Good. Now this will be incredibly taxing, but you must endure. On the count of three, I want you _both_ to open a portal, same as you would if you were travelling in this dimension.”

Both Lokis realized that this was probably a bad time to mention that they never actually opened portals, rather they found them.

“OK… um, opening a portal is a bit like opening up a pocket of space to store something. Just… just make it larger,” a black-hole began to form right next to the connection. “Yes, perfect, now bigger.”

It kept growing in size. Both Lokis were looking a bit tired. Eventually, both Friggas took their Loki’s hand and transferred the connection into the portal.

They could now see each others’ side through the portal.

It took a split second for Thor to mess things up. Rather than simply enter the portal and be done with it, he decided that this would be the right time to grab Loki* and Frigga* and bolt into the portal. But by the time that he’d cut the chain on Frigga*’s cuff and made it into the other side, who else should be waiting in the castle but Thor* (who hadn’t gone to the other side), Laufey* and… and a mini-Jotun army.

Within seconds though, there were more Jotnar, and… and another Laufey.(?)

“What-what is this madness?” Frigga spluttered.

“We’ve been betrayed,” Loki scowled.

“I wouldn’t call it a betrayal. Merely a substitution of power,” Thor* shrugged, before raising his hammer and sending a blast of ice at them. That riled the Jotnar up.

They Ran towards Loki, Loki*, Thor, Frigga and Frigga*. This was, of course, when a large herd of Aesir ran in.

“Heimdall told us!” Tyr said, unsheathing his sword. “Somebody get the royal family to safety.”

“Let me fight,” Thor insisted.

“No my prince, it is unsafe for you. Go. Look after your mother and Loki,” Tyr said. Loki wasn’t the only one who was good at manipulating Thor.

Sighing, Thor grabbed his brother, not-brother, mother and not-mother. “Hold on to me tightly!” he commanded, before using Mjolnir to whisk them away.

Loki let out a shriek as a Jotun grabbed his leg, trying to pull him down, but Frigga threw a knife at the Jotun with a spare hand, causing it to shriek and recoil back.

The journey was tiring for Thor. Aside from the extra weight associated with having five people riding Mjolnir, there was also the fact that them holding onto him was straining their muscles, _and_ he had to keep looking down to make sure that nobody fell off. Even if somebody did though, it wouldn’t change much, he didn’t think that he’d be able to save them.

They eventually landed in the forests of Asgard.

“We-we need to make it to Vanaheim,” Loki panted. “It’s the closest to us, in regards to where our allies live. We can ask uncle Vili for help.”

Odin ruled Asgard. Vili ruled Vanaheim. Vé ruled Alfheim. Those were their strongest allies. Then there were the other planets they could get help from, but their armies were meager in comparison to his uncles’.

“The Bifrost will be too dangerous to travel to…” Frigga hummed.

“I know a way,” Loki insisted.

“How?”

“It’s dangerous, a steep climb, but we can make it,” he pointed to a cliff far ahead that Thor had forgotten the name of. “It’s a hole that you dive through at the top over there.”

“I can lift you there, but we’d need to do it one by one,” Thor said.

“There are large vultures that guard it,” Loki warned.

“The four of you all have magic. Surely you can confuse them or something,” Thor shrugged, panting. Man he was tired.

“He’s right. It will work,” Frigga nodded. Loki looked a bit miffed, but nodded as well.

Thor took Frigga* up first, as she was the weakest of them, followed by Loki* (Frigga had chastised Thor when he’d tried to take her up second, ‘they’re our guests, Thor,’ she had said). Then he took his mother, and finally his _actual_ brother.

“So, what do you think of this mess?” Thor asked, while they flew up.

“I don’t know what to make of it, but I know we’ll win. We always win. We’re Asgardians,” Loki said, determined, and Thor couldn’t have possibly loved him more than he did in that moment. “I only worry for father. He can take Laufey on no problem, that we know, but this time there are _two_ Laufeys **_and_** a Thor.”

Thor growled, slightly startling Loki who quailed a little in his arms. “Don’t call him that. He does not deserve my name.”

“Eloquently put.”

“Besides, we have two _Lokis_ and two _mothers_. As you said, brother, we will win this.”


	3. Chapter 3

They hadn’t killed Odin. No. They'd detained the man.

The first question that Laufey had asked when he’d heard of the other world from Laufey* and Thor*: “Is Loki your trueborn son?”

Odin wouldn’t reply if it weren’t for Thor* standing menacingly in the background, hammer held high. “He is my son in every meaning of the word!”

“Except for blood,” Laufey hissed, his eyes narrowing.

Sadly for Laufey, though, Laufey* had promised Thor* the honor of killing Odin. And they couldn’t do _that_ yet, because they needed him to bait the others back.

“_Why_?” Laufey hissed at him. “Why would you, in the middle of our massacre, stop to pick up my son?”

“He was a _child_.”

“Don’t lie to me, Borson, you slaughtered countless of other children, you and that-that _daughter_ of yours.”

Odin sighed. “I hoped to unite Asgard and Jotunheim through him. But as he grew, I realized something, Jotunheim is not _worthy_ of him,” Odin huffed in contempt. “He’s Asgardian!”

Laufey growled. He wasn’t so upset about not raising Loki~ he _had_ abandoned the little disgrace, after all~ it was the idea that Odin had sought to manipulate him in the first place, to influence the rule of Jotunheim in any way, shape, or form that angered him.

An idea popped into Thor*’s head, and a wicked smile grew across his lips. “Well, Odin, you shall have your wish. A union _shall_ be formed between Asgard and Jotunheim. When we capture your family, _I_ shall wed your Loki.”

“What?” Odin’s eye widened.

“Yes. He’s a powerful seidrmatr, our children would be very powerful.”

“He’s your _brother_!”

“Adopted. And besides, it didn’t stop them in this realm.”

Odin paused, frowning, “What are you talking about?”

Thor* barked out a laugh. “Oh, wow! You have the Allsight, and yet you couldn’t even see that your eldest son has been making a whore out of your ‘_precious’_ youngest son for a while now?” he mocked.

Odin looked as though he were going to be sick. No wonder Loki shielded himself so often when he was around Thor. Odin had simply assumed that the two were having boyish discussions and didn’t want their father to pry. He had trusted them together. It had been a mistake.

.


End file.
